My children! My Life!

Well I suppose the title says it all...
My Kids are my life.

I honestly believe my children are the best! I was so lucky that whoever it is up there decided to give me these 3 children did. Emily and lachlan have been through so much with me, the separation, the dramas but every night when I tuck them in I say to each of Them "I love you millions" and they both say it back. Its like a little thing we have always and will hopefully always do.

Emily.....My senstive,caring and very loving "pre-teen".
Emily is almost 12 and she is fantastic. Yes we have our fights as all kids that age would have with there mothers, I think it would be abnormal if we didnt. Its like she knows when Im stressed or when Miss B is pushing the limis with me and every time she will step in and ask to take her ou the backyard or for a walk just to give me a few minutes space.
Last night for example I was struggling to get Miss B dressed after her bath, I was tired and had a headache so Em took her without me asking and made a game with her , next thing I know she was dressed and ready for bed. Other times I have gone outside for a smoke just after puttiing Bianca to bed and come back in and the toys are all packed up or dishwasher loaded. I dont even ask she just does it.
apart from that I love nothing more than to have one of our chats. We talk about everything and anything. She tells me i think more than a normal child would tell her mum. I hear about who she like,who likes her,what happens at her dads, everything. I do pray this will keep up as she hits the dreaded teenage years. She knows she can come to me with anything, Questions,problems whatever and often does.

Lachlan...... My quiet,sensitive but strong, and so funny little man!
Well where to start with lachlan???? He is an amazing 9 year old ! if I had a dollar for every parent,teacher,friend that has told me what a great kid he is I would be a millionaire.
Lachlan does come accross as a very shy boy but he seems to sit back and take in an enviroment before he joins in. He has always been a battler when it comes to reading, spelling and writting but he gives 100% most of the time. When it comes to Maths, science or anything electrical he is fantastic. he will sit there for hours watching documentries on Ailens or aminals whatever and that is all he will talk about for ages. hetakes it all in and remembers so much. I remember when he was about 4 he asked me" how does the light go on?" I gave him the basic reply "you flick the switch and it goes on" But this wasnt good enough he wanted to know how does it go from the switch to the light. so I explained it best i could for a 4 year old to understand. This was the first of many and still now he asks thing that I have no idea on so we get on the net and find the answer.
Lachies big problem at the moment is he wants to "divorce" his real dad. He has told me he just doesnt like him, he hates the way he lives and basically everything about him. I always encourage him to see his dad but will never force him to go. I tell him if he doesnt want to go he has to tell his dad and always does without hessitation. His dad never seems to care! Ever since I remarried the kids have chosen to use both names. (ie. lachlan A***-N***) But laclan keeps saying he wants to get rid of the A**** he just wants to Be N****. Without his dads concent this is somthing we will have to deal with until hes older and can change it himself. Lachlan has the best relationship with Craig and calls him Dad, His real dad is "Gregdad".

Miss Bianca.... My handful, but ever so sweet and soooooooCute!
Miss B turns 2 in a few weeks and she is definatly my handful! We never thought we would have another child. We tried for years and had many miscarraiges. Then we kept trying and nothing...
On my 30th birthady I broke my Coxic bone (the worst pain I have ever ever felt) I could not walk for weeks it was hell but in that first month of agony somehow I concieved! LOL Anyways Miss Bianca arrived and from day 1 I knew she was different from the other 2. she was a sook! LOL
I would not swap her for the world though. she is very clever for her age, Her daycare teachers can not get over her speech and what she understands and can do. I put this down to haveing an older brother and sister that dote on her.
Miss B has taught me so much, She is almost 2 but very tiny. Now she should be almost a head taller than she is but her smallness does not stop her. Part of the reason she is so small is she was sick for a while and did not eat, We had every test under the sun and we now know she has an allergy to cows milk and also has the Coeliac gene. As yet she doesnt have Coeliacs disease but could at any time develop it, Its there but not yet active. Just something to watch. She has also had her adeniods removed, this was stoppingher eating. Miss B will not eat with her mouth open and because of the adenoids couldnt breath while eating so didnt. Since her op she has been thriving~!

anyways thats enough babbling today. Miss B is at daycare and I have so much to do.

take care all.. Love Reneeooxoxox

My weekend!

Well what a weekend!
I used to dread every weekend, every family party every public holiday when where ever you go you see happy families playing,walking and picnicing. I would always look at everyone and envy them because they had something I never did. A Weekend husband and father!
Craig is a Chef so his hours are or should i say were horrible. he would work 5-6 days a week from 9am and sometimes not finish till 1030pm.
This all changed about 3 months ago when Craig had enough and handed in his resignation. Miss B was 18months old and really didnt know who daddy was, to her he was a man that was here when she was asleep and left when she woke up.
When his boss read the letter he dragged Craig to the office and after saying he didnt want to lose him was given every weekend off +mondays to seal the deal. It is amazing how our family life has changed. we are all happier and so much more relaxed.Miss B now idolises her daddy and he loves every second.

I am right now laughing at myself! I have just realised how much I can crap on..... lol!

Last night I went out with a few friends to a gay bar. It is only on once a month and I do try to go most times,Its great. I Love the music, the people and the fact that nobody judges you. And yes I am Bi and Hubby has no problem with it at all... We have our rules etc and we are both very happy with the realationship. God what guy wouldnt be LMAO!! I can go there and Drink dance and have an awesome time and never worry about what others think of this fat Bi chic bouncing around the dancefloor! LOL
Last night was no exception. We drank we danced and I even ran ito old friends I have not seen for years. I even heard what an old friend is saying behind my back! what a crack! Apparently.... She has cut ME off because she cant stand to see ME Cheat on Craig!!! LMAO!! As IF!!!!
I would love to know how with 3 kids, 1 being a very active toddler and a house and hubby to look after, where do I find the time??
Its comments like this that used to drive me insane. I would worry for days, not sleep and really end up in a terrible state if people were talking behind my back but now, I am not letting it bother me.
One of the first things I was told at the Spirituallist Church was "whatever you send out will one day come back" I suppose you could read this many ways but to me I will NOT let others upset me and make me feel or have negitive thoughts. In a way i have imagined a type of barrier around myself and I am letting all that negitive energy pass around me and not giving it a thought. (Well trying hard to) There is so much I could do or say or I could fight to clear my name but why? That is focusing on the negitive I want positive. anyone who knows me INR or otherwise knows thats not me. Shit I have NO confidance to approach a guy let alone sleep with one.LOL
I did tell Craig this just incase it came back to him and he thinks its funny, He knows and I know so thats all that matters.
So after many drinks and many laughs I stumbled into bed at 3am. And today NO hangover! How lucky is that?

So much for my brief rundown of the weekend, his was ment to be about other things.

A question....
Do you ever feel/see something thats not there?
In the last week or so I have more and more. Im not sure if it is because of the meditation and the fact that I am learning or becoming more aware or is it just my imagination?
I could be sitting here and see a movement over my shoulder (always my left) and I turn and there is nothing. Other times its like flashes of light. even In bed I have woken to what I think are voices but I cant understand or make out words...
Maybe I am going loopy!!

Well I will try and add more tomorrow. My plan tonight was to tell about the church services and healings but I have been a tad sidetracked!

Take care all
and Remember.... Whatever you send out will come back!

Love oxoxox

This is me... The Start!

Well How do you start a new Blog??

A bit about me, My name is Renee, I am 32 years old, I am Happily married and have 3 amazing children. My life so far has been good and bad,I have made mistakes and I have made great choices.
When I look back I suppose I would say my biggest mistake was growing up way to fast. At 18 I was engaged,had brought my first house. This should have been the best time in my life but it wasnt. I am not going to say I regret it because I dont. I came out of that marraige with 2 amazing kids and I would not change that for the world. I also will never say i didnt love him because I did but it wasnt the type of love I had for my now darling husband Craig. It was a love that i grew into if that makes sence? I thought this was all life was and i think I was more in love with the idea of the marraige, the family , the house and the car etc etc etc. Just wish I knew then what I know now.......
I left this marraige when our 2nd child was 4 months old and was a single mother of two for about 2 years. This was my teenage years in a way, even though i was 22 I had never partied never explored my own likes and dislikes and in that 2 years i learnt a lot! I learnt that I was or could be strong,that I didnt need anyone else but my kids and I could make it on my own. I also learnt that I could attract other people. Men and Women. This was a huge thing as I had come to the idea that i was not good enough for anyone. Needles to say I lets call it "lived and loved" in those years.
Now enters Craig! He was a good friend for years and I always had a 'thing' for him. but being so down on myself never let this be known to anyone. I would even go to my friends whom he was living with(as friends only) and sit in the certain seat to watch him walk down the hall in his boxers to the shower.
Anyways Craig came over 1 night to watch DVDs and well never left and we have been happily married now for almost 4 years. I can honestly say i am married to my best friend. I love him entirly!
we have since had a baby girl,Miss B. Now our family is complete. Craig Emily(11) Lachlan (8) Bianca(2) and myself. Life is great.

Recently I have been at a bit of a loss as to what and who I am? I know Im a mother and a wife but there has to be more...
About 4 weeks ago I went with my mum and brother to a Spiritual Church and was amazed! I felt this is where i belong and its like things just fell into place. I have Meditated for the first time and even last tuesday went to a Meditation and Healing workshop and loved it.
I know a lot of people think spirituality,numerology,tarot,healing etc is garbage but I think its fasinating and can really understand a great deal of what they say.
Since i first started going to this church I have felt like a different person. Calmer and less stressed and I feel I can take on whatever life throws at me. I know this is a quick change but its hard to explain how I am feeling. I will continue to go and even learn more about Healling etc

I will try my best to keep this blog up if your interested in my journey.
Please read, and do comment even just leave your name so I know whos been here. If anyone.

Well Thats basically me, I will try and add more tomorrow and go into more detail about the church and workshops etc