A sad one....

Its just so unfair!!!

Nice start to a blog hey?

Well this is my Woe is me post! LOL!

We have the funerals tomorrow and just thinking about it is making me feel ill. Now to top it off Miss B is sick and unless she improves in a hurry Craig wont be able to come with me :-( I really think I need him there just to stand at my side.I thought I was over the worst but as it gets closer its like losing them all over again.
I had a chat to mum the other day, She wanted to warn me that there will only be 2 coffins not 4. I had no idea at first but it was explained,Well sort of.
Cheri-Lees family have already had her Cremated and she will be in the same one as Uncle Bucky and Grandma and Uncle Donny will be in the other but I am unsure why? I am assuming its because we have been told there is not a great deal left so my uncle has decided to put them together.?????Several other reasons have popped into my head but I don't want to think of them so That's what I am going to believe.

I have just been talking to my brothers and they are now comming in my car so if Craig cant come at least I wont be alone for the long drive.

I thought I had cried all I could but yesterday and even more today it seems that is not the case. I don't want to do this tomorrow, I don't know if I can continue being strong, I want to be there for my cousins etc but I would hate myself if I lost it and made it worse for them.

So there is my Woe is me! Feels better to get it out, well at least a little of in anyways.

Reneeoxox

What a Week!!!!!

What a week!
I have been so busy and the week has flown.
Hope everyone had a great Easter! Ours was great, Quiet but great!

As many of you know we lost Family in the horrible bushfires we had here in Vic. Its been a very trying time for everyone but now it is finally coming to the stage that we get to say our goodbyes. I call them My Family and they are in a sense but not immediate family. It was My Uncles Parents his Brother and wife. Our Family is very close and I was brought up calling them Grandma and Uncle Donny, To me they were always my grandparents. My Dads parents both died before I really knew them and well Grandma and Uncle Donny filled in! So I would never say to them they were not my grandparents because that would hurt me as much as them.
We have been waiting since then for DNA confirmation that it was in fact there bodies, we knew deep down it was but as they were not able to be visually identified we had to wait for DNA. Finally late last week we were told it was them and we could finally put them to rest. So next Wednesday we are having the funerals,all 4 together, up in Winchelsea. Not looking forward to it and don't want to see the devastation the fires have caused in the area.
Another thing I am dealing with at the moment is My older kids and their father. Greg has been evicted from the unit he lived in for the last 9 years (since I left). He says he left because the rent was to high but a little birdy told me he just didn't pay and the house was a hovel so the owners kicked him out. This birdy also told me he lost all of his bond because of the state of the unit after he left. 4+hours cleaning needed! So He has well and truly stuffed any rental references he had. He has now moved in with his older brother, who lives just like him. The kids have been twice now and come back upset because this uncle yells at them all the time, they are not allowed to do anything, not even watch TV, and if the talk during the news there is "hell to pay". Another thing that has upset me is Lachie has no bed there and has been sleeping in his dads bed, this would not worry me in the least but Greg has been sleeping naked with lachie in the same bed! To me this is NOT ON!!! I was talking to my mum and auntie last night on how to deal with this,Lachie is very concerned and uncomfortable with it. Mum agreed with me fully but my aunt thinks I'm over reacting, its his own child its OK??? Please tell me shes so so wrong!

Tonight I found the courage to call him with my concerns, I said what I had to, He started to defend himself at this point I said "I don't care how you sleep but Not with My son in there! I am doing this because I believe its best for our children and once you get your own place you can have them overnight!"
He honestly didn't seem to fussed! So we will see what happens.
I would never stop them seeing him all together, he is welcome to daytime but at the moment not overnight.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and he disappear! No visits No calls I would gladly give up the maintenance if he would just stay away!

Now on a happier note, I have a job!!!
Well sort of, A good friend of mine a few months ago joined Tupperware. I have watched as her confidence has grown, how much she loves her job and all the perks and It still seems to good to be true! I have done a lot of research and even spoken to my cousin who used to be a manager of Tupperware, and well cut a long story short I have decided to give it a go!
I will be going to the meeting this Monday with her and signing all the paperwork. Now I just have to find the courage to talk to a room full of people! LOL!

Well I think I have yet again rambled enough!
Take care all
Renee oxoxox

Excited but nervous

Just tonight I recieved the call I have been waiting on. The lady that runs the Spiritualism awareness course I want to do rang to say the new class starts in 2 weeks and and I still interested? Of course I said yes! so I start the first wednesday after the kids go back. It also fits in great with Miss B. Its only every second Wed for 2 hours in the afternoon so Im sure I can find someone for 2 hours to mind her.

This course is basically a begginers course in everything. They cover Meditation, Mediumship, Tarot, Numerology, Psychic drawing and several other areas to see if one of them comes naturally to me or I am drawn to anything in particular. If there is something I like I can follow that path.
To Be honest I would love to be able to read card or even Auras. I find Auras fassinating I just cant see them. Until several weeks ago I was under the impression you needed some type of Gift or talent to do these things but apparently it is something everyone has its just wether you choose to use it or learn to use it.

I had my card read about 6 weeks ago now, Just before I started attending the Spiritual church. Several things were said and already a lot of it has made a lot of sence. He did say I was going to start a new journey in the way of learning. He said it was something I have always been interested in but never thought of studying.
I have always said I wanted to go back to school but could never decide what I wanted to do. After this reading I went to the local Chisolm and spoke to a careers advisor and have my name down to do a series of short courses. I was thinking Yes this is what I want to do.
It wasnt until Carol (Spiritual teacher) asked me if I would be interested in doing this course that everything fell into place. This is what I have always had an interest in and this is what i want to do. It was not until it was put in front of me that I realised this is it.

I do have my reservations still. I worry that I wont be able to do anything but that seems to be a very common problem with me, comes down to my very low self confidance.. Something I will try to work on.

Well Hope you got though that without falling asleep~
take Care
Reneeoxox

Miss B turns 2

I cant believe my baby girl is 2 already. It has gone so fast yet feels like she has been here forever!
He Birhday celebrations started Thursday when she took the most scrummy Banana cupcakes to share with her friends at daycare. when I picked her up I was told what a great tie she had and she loved everyone singing to her.
Thursday night after making her Elmo cake ( I will try to add pics at the end) Craig and I set about putting her motorised car together. All was going very well until we decided to charge it up.... It didnt bloody work! Then to top it off we realise we have lost the reciept. We brought it on sale before christmas for $50, a total bargin but whats the point if it didnt work.
Luckily I had brought a few little gifts as well so she had some things to open in the morning.
First thing friday Craig packs up the car and heads down to Target to see about an exchange but as our luck goes they had none in stock and with no reciept could only give us vouchers. They refunded the price they are now selling for $89 We called around and found another shop who had one so off he goes and gets there and they have 1 on sale for $39 :-) and to top it off an extra 25% Off!! What a bargin! I dont think we could have got better if we tried.
She was over the moon when she saw it and loves hooning around the house. I just hope for the sake of my walls she works out soon how to turn!

Friday night we had what started out as a small family BBQ and ended up as a full blown party. She was so so spoilt. She recieved some lovely gifts from a talking Iggle Piggle to adorable clothes a keyboard and Mic and even a little desk complete with crayons,textas and pictures.
This morning she got up and had no idea what to play with first, all got a bit much I think! LOL

Things have finally returned to normal and now we are looking forward to having the next 2 weeks off from school and having lots of fun not having to get up and out of the house first thing in the morning.

Well thats enough from me Im off to catch some ZZZs Night Night!

Quick post to say Im still around!

Just popping in to say Yes Im still around just been Very Very busy this week.

The Darling Miss B turns 2 on Friday so I have been flat out getting ready for her party.

It was just family over for tea but its got slightly more than that, at last count there was about 30 comming!

I have just made some yummy looking banana cupcakes for her to take to daycare tomorrow. They are so cute with pink and purple sprinkles... Tomorrow night will be the challenge. I am making an elmo cake! I will have to work out how to post some pics when Im done! (help.. hint hint leila)

I met up with an old friend I have not seen since year 9 today, had a great chat and we are trying to organize a reunion so that should be interesting. Gotta love facebook makes it easier!

Anyways must go, Thinking I will wash this wall before I go to bed! Random but ah well!

Take care and remember to smile brings happiness to more than just yourself!
oxoxReneeoxox

My children! My Life!

Well I suppose the title says it all...
My Kids are my life.

I honestly believe my children are the best! I was so lucky that whoever it is up there decided to give me these 3 children did. Emily and lachlan have been through so much with me, the separation, the dramas but every night when I tuck them in I say to each of Them "I love you millions" and they both say it back. Its like a little thing we have always and will hopefully always do.

Emily.....My senstive,caring and very loving "pre-teen".
Emily is almost 12 and she is fantastic. Yes we have our fights as all kids that age would have with there mothers, I think it would be abnormal if we didnt. Its like she knows when Im stressed or when Miss B is pushing the limis with me and every time she will step in and ask to take her ou the backyard or for a walk just to give me a few minutes space.
Last night for example I was struggling to get Miss B dressed after her bath, I was tired and had a headache so Em took her without me asking and made a game with her , next thing I know she was dressed and ready for bed. Other times I have gone outside for a smoke just after puttiing Bianca to bed and come back in and the toys are all packed up or dishwasher loaded. I dont even ask she just does it.
apart from that I love nothing more than to have one of our chats. We talk about everything and anything. She tells me i think more than a normal child would tell her mum. I hear about who she like,who likes her,what happens at her dads, everything. I do pray this will keep up as she hits the dreaded teenage years. She knows she can come to me with anything, Questions,problems whatever and often does.

Lachlan...... My quiet,sensitive but strong, and so funny little man!
Well where to start with lachlan???? He is an amazing 9 year old ! if I had a dollar for every parent,teacher,friend that has told me what a great kid he is I would be a millionaire.
Lachlan does come accross as a very shy boy but he seems to sit back and take in an enviroment before he joins in. He has always been a battler when it comes to reading, spelling and writting but he gives 100% most of the time. When it comes to Maths, science or anything electrical he is fantastic. he will sit there for hours watching documentries on Ailens or aminals whatever and that is all he will talk about for ages. hetakes it all in and remembers so much. I remember when he was about 4 he asked me" how does the light go on?" I gave him the basic reply "you flick the switch and it goes on" But this wasnt good enough he wanted to know how does it go from the switch to the light. so I explained it best i could for a 4 year old to understand. This was the first of many and still now he asks thing that I have no idea on so we get on the net and find the answer.
Lachies big problem at the moment is he wants to "divorce" his real dad. He has told me he just doesnt like him, he hates the way he lives and basically everything about him. I always encourage him to see his dad but will never force him to go. I tell him if he doesnt want to go he has to tell his dad and always does without hessitation. His dad never seems to care! Ever since I remarried the kids have chosen to use both names. (ie. lachlan A***-N***) But laclan keeps saying he wants to get rid of the A**** he just wants to Be N****. Without his dads concent this is somthing we will have to deal with until hes older and can change it himself. Lachlan has the best relationship with Craig and calls him Dad, His real dad is "Gregdad".

Miss Bianca.... My handful, but ever so sweet and soooooooCute!
Miss B turns 2 in a few weeks and she is definatly my handful! We never thought we would have another child. We tried for years and had many miscarraiges. Then we kept trying and nothing...
On my 30th birthady I broke my Coxic bone (the worst pain I have ever ever felt) I could not walk for weeks it was hell but in that first month of agony somehow I concieved! LOL Anyways Miss Bianca arrived and from day 1 I knew she was different from the other 2. she was a sook! LOL
I would not swap her for the world though. she is very clever for her age, Her daycare teachers can not get over her speech and what she understands and can do. I put this down to haveing an older brother and sister that dote on her.
Miss B has taught me so much, She is almost 2 but very tiny. Now she should be almost a head taller than she is but her smallness does not stop her. Part of the reason she is so small is she was sick for a while and did not eat, We had every test under the sun and we now know she has an allergy to cows milk and also has the Coeliac gene. As yet she doesnt have Coeliacs disease but could at any time develop it, Its there but not yet active. Just something to watch. She has also had her adeniods removed, this was stoppingher eating. Miss B will not eat with her mouth open and because of the adenoids couldnt breath while eating so didnt. Since her op she has been thriving~!

anyways thats enough babbling today. Miss B is at daycare and I have so much to do.

take care all.. Love Reneeooxoxox

My weekend!

Well what a weekend!
I used to dread every weekend, every family party every public holiday when where ever you go you see happy families playing,walking and picnicing. I would always look at everyone and envy them because they had something I never did. A Weekend husband and father!
Craig is a Chef so his hours are or should i say were horrible. he would work 5-6 days a week from 9am and sometimes not finish till 1030pm.
This all changed about 3 months ago when Craig had enough and handed in his resignation. Miss B was 18months old and really didnt know who daddy was, to her he was a man that was here when she was asleep and left when she woke up.
When his boss read the letter he dragged Craig to the office and after saying he didnt want to lose him was given every weekend off +mondays to seal the deal. It is amazing how our family life has changed. we are all happier and so much more relaxed.Miss B now idolises her daddy and he loves every second.

I am right now laughing at myself! I have just realised how much I can crap on..... lol!

Last night I went out with a few friends to a gay bar. It is only on once a month and I do try to go most times,Its great. I Love the music, the people and the fact that nobody judges you. And yes I am Bi and Hubby has no problem with it at all... We have our rules etc and we are both very happy with the realationship. God what guy wouldnt be LMAO!! I can go there and Drink dance and have an awesome time and never worry about what others think of this fat Bi chic bouncing around the dancefloor! LOL
Last night was no exception. We drank we danced and I even ran ito old friends I have not seen for years. I even heard what an old friend is saying behind my back! what a crack! Apparently.... She has cut ME off because she cant stand to see ME Cheat on Craig!!! LMAO!! As IF!!!!
I would love to know how with 3 kids, 1 being a very active toddler and a house and hubby to look after, where do I find the time??
Its comments like this that used to drive me insane. I would worry for days, not sleep and really end up in a terrible state if people were talking behind my back but now, I am not letting it bother me.
One of the first things I was told at the Spirituallist Church was "whatever you send out will one day come back" I suppose you could read this many ways but to me I will NOT let others upset me and make me feel or have negitive thoughts. In a way i have imagined a type of barrier around myself and I am letting all that negitive energy pass around me and not giving it a thought. (Well trying hard to) There is so much I could do or say or I could fight to clear my name but why? That is focusing on the negitive I want positive. anyone who knows me INR or otherwise knows thats not me. Shit I have NO confidance to approach a guy let alone sleep with one.LOL
I did tell Craig this just incase it came back to him and he thinks its funny, He knows and I know so thats all that matters.
So after many drinks and many laughs I stumbled into bed at 3am. And today NO hangover! How lucky is that?

So much for my brief rundown of the weekend, his was ment to be about other things.

A question....
Do you ever feel/see something thats not there?
In the last week or so I have more and more. Im not sure if it is because of the meditation and the fact that I am learning or becoming more aware or is it just my imagination?
I could be sitting here and see a movement over my shoulder (always my left) and I turn and there is nothing. Other times its like flashes of light. even In bed I have woken to what I think are voices but I cant understand or make out words...
Maybe I am going loopy!!

Well I will try and add more tomorrow. My plan tonight was to tell about the church services and healings but I have been a tad sidetracked!

Take care all
and Remember.... Whatever you send out will come back!

Love oxoxox